Being Non-Binary, and why I look different in so many of my videos

Above is a selection of videos where my appearance is quite different in each video. I’ve had a lot of comments lately of people either making fun of my looks or giving me complements. It doesn’t really bother me when people try to insult me (though I really think you should get help), but I wanted to create this post to help others who may be similar to me in how they handle their personal appearance.

First off, I view myself as an entertainer and educator, and when I am at my best, I am taking very good care of my appearance and presenting myself in my videos in a way (or at least trying) that I feel looks good. Second, I guess I could be described as somewhat non-binary, at least in my fashion choices. I like men’s and women’s clothes. I also wear makeup sometimes. I really don’t think it is a big deal at all, but some people can’t seem two wrap their heads around this concept.

Some of my vids, I’m just straight up lazy, and my hair is sloppy, and I’m basically still in my pajamas, haha. But my more recent videos I’ve been trying to change this. I’m using better mics, and making sure to use my good camera, and when I dress up for my videos, I have been wearing some makeup to enhance the features of my face that I actually like (like my eyes).

Being in the public eye is an odd phenomena. My videos have been viewed close to 2 million times at this point. This doesn’t really make me a celebrity exactly, but still it is quite a lot of people to be looking at, criticizing and judging me based on my appearance. I’m also very into fashion, and enjoy taking risks. Sometimes it works, and sometimes… well, it doesn’t. But you don’t really know unless you try it.

So this is me not apologizing, but saying to those who face similar challenges, that you’re not alone and I’m right there with you.

Thanks to all of you who have kindly supported me and keep me moving forward.

12 thoughts on “Being Non-Binary, and why I look different in so many of my videos

  1. Mix-n-Match

    Hi, Demonic Sweaters.

    Like a lot of people and especially artists, you could’ve separated yourself – the non-binary person – and the musical person, but you didn’t and that single choice singles you out for the bitter-over-the-50s, ignorant shredding of anonymous internet trolls who have been otherwise forgotten. A portion of whom could be other LGBT-people, who, in their own ignorant way, are using the disguise of phobia, to target the non-binary, pan, or bi, because they feel like it takes something from their credibility, when someone comes to a weekend visit on their wavelength of the LGBT.

    Everybody hates somebody.

    But the most important thing is, when you decide not to compromise and just be yourself, your choice singles you out as a braver-than-most-individual and a role model to every LGBT-person on earth, young or old, to aspire to be, even when your channel can’t reach them.

    As for being non-binary: some animals have the capability to change their sex. We have tales of creatures associated with myth, mysticism and beauty, who can shapeshift . We have sci-fi-films where we get a visit from an ADVANCED alien race whom can shapeshift. We have the ancient creation myths were god was man and female and only when they were cast down to live as a mortal human, did genders split into two separate entities. In many spiritual religions, the concept of dualism and opposites of male and female meeting are ever present. Before christians arrived in America, some natives had a non-binary gender system where the non-binary/intersex were held in high esteem. In the middle ages there was the “rebis”-belief, where people believed your body had male and female halves and so, when soldiers went into battle, they used their female half to hold their shield and the masculine half to wield a sword. And where is the “rebis”-symbol seen today? In freemason art and architecture. Everywhere.

    Non-binary is older and built into the history and our psyche more firmly than the 19th century christian way of life. And while “PC-culture” and gender neutralness might sometimes go a little weird and convoluted (I thought the “mix-n-math”-girl in that controversial Cyberpunk 2077 poster was the hottest thing ever – so did it’s artist) nothing is more ridiculous than the fact that when bicycles were invented, actual doctors once told women it was clinically unnatural and unhealthy for a woman to ride a bicycle and no one batted an eye. It was once the norm.

    And even Eric Cartman’s mom is his dad. Frankly, I don’t know anyone who thinks that made his character less cool.

    1. Muggy

      Cartman’s mom being intersex made Cartman even more epic than he already was.

      The problem is, most LGBT-stories in media are still primarily about problems, particularly mental issues. When people associate being LGBT with problems, that’s bad for everybody: it’s suggestive for yourself to start seeing mental issues in yourself where there aren’t any, and people who don’t know queer people, begin associating problems with everything-LGBT.

      Though the South Park-twist was done, well, as a twist and a punchline, it was done in a positive nature and benefited from the sitcom model where everything resets back at the end of an episode: life goes on. Imagine if Cartman’s mom would’ve gotten her son’s custody taken away from her or something because of intolerance. That could happen in real world, but seriously… think how negative associations that could create and maybe even stop few people from considering family life. If problems are the only thing we show… we harm everyone.

      So thanks Demonic Sweaters, for representing queer people, not as a troubled person, but just as an ordinary person who has a hobby and a passion.

      1. DemonicSweaters Post author

        Thank you for that! I still haven’t seen the Southpark episode you are talking about, I’ll have to check it out. I’m really glad so many of you have responded well to these posts. I look forward to sharing more of this side of myself with everyone!

        1. Muggy

          And now I’ve spoiled it for you! Sorry! Since the episode is some 20 years old, I just thought it was general knowledge by now, like who Luke Skywalker’s father is (notice I dodged that, just in case!).

          Anyway, it’s one of the most famous episodes from the first seasons (the good seasons). I remember everyone eagerly waited for the resolution for 2 weeks (the ‘Cartman’s Dad’-detective plot was split in two episodes) and then it being the water cooler subject in the whole university for 2 more, haha. Well, maybe not all universities back in the day, just mine.

          I think that was some 20 years ago. Sweet dreams, I’m old. (and yes, to hammer that point in, I just made an Eurythmics-reference)

          1. Pixie Lambert

            Funny you mention Eurythmics. Annie Lennox, a woman, being gender-non-conforming seems to be easier for people to accept than when a man is. I don’t think there was ever drop in Euryhtmics popularity, unlike when Queen came out with the music video for I Want To Break Free.

            Although, Queen were more famous at that point and not just in europe but also in US, where, I guess, that reaction came from primarily (europeans, at least before, seemed to be more accepting), so maybe the comparison isn’t apt here. Rock band drag seems a pretty british thing btw.

          2. DemonicSweaters Post author

            It seems to come in waves maybe. Thinking back to the early days of David Bowie he was definitely androgynous, and looking at 1980s hair metal bands like Poison and the likes, they were basically 1 stuffed bra away from being full blown drag queens. At the time it was not really seen as weird at all. But I think the major difference is those guys were viewed as entertainers and it was all a show, but being who I am, I often just want to wear something not designed for my assigned gender, or to at least have more options. It always drives me crazy how when I go to department stores like Target and walk through the women’s section and there’s all of these colorful items in huge varieties of styles. Then you go to the men’s section and it’s a bunch of drab, brown work clothes and flannels. It’s like subconsciously saying women’s bodies are for pampering and men’s are for covering up like using a table cloth. I often casually browse through both sections.

            One thing pretty cool is a new ‘gender-less’ clothing store just opened up in SOHO called Phluid. I haven’t been there yet, but I definitely want to check it out.

  2. Pixie Lambert

    I totally agree with you, especially about department stores. But clothing stores like H&M that cater to 15-35-years olds have really started to offer very androgynous fashion this decade – lots of flower patterns for men and more “armor” (thicker and less revealing) for women.

    I remember when they started making slim jeans for men available at the beginning of the decade and they were made fun of, but now we’re already into skinny and ultra skinny for men and the old wide pants look so drab and “unsexy”. The lines are really blurring. I’m certain the next decade we’ll begin to see more of those gender-neutral shops you mention. Maybe in few years your area will be teeming with gender-neutral clothing stores, because it was so popular… lol πŸ˜€

    Or then most people don’t dare to go inside because… I don’t know? People are weird like that.

  3. Khamal Shanti

    You remind me of my former teacher. He was too a skinny indian man, made everyone laugh in the class, gave us very much joy. We wondered what was his sexuality and despite we never found out if he was gay or straight or something else, when I think of him I don’t really think about that aspect of him. Gay, straight, bi… so useless labels. They tell nothing about the person. Let’s just be us. There is only one copy of us. πŸ™‚

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